Overcoming worry and anxiety in exploring kink

by | Jul 10, 2020 | All Posts | 0 comments

Sexuality covers a wide spectrum of identities and interests. These days, we’re seeing more of this spectrum enter the mainstream. However, taboos still remain, and many may feel nervous about exploring various aspects of their sexuality. This can often be the case when it comes to BDSM or kink.

Kink itself covers such a broad assortment of behaviors and interests. Dominant and submissive are words that come to mind for many when they think about BDSM, but there’s so much more. Kinks and fetishes of all kinds abound. Chances are, you’ve already identified some of your own core interests.

Because of the mysterious and forbidden nature of BDSM, you may have some concerns about exploring this part of yourself. That’s understandable, but it’s also important to know that sexual fantasies and interests outside of what’s considered vanilla or socially acceptable are more normal than you might think. Let’s take a look at some ways you can ease your worries and begin to feel more confident about delving into the world of kink.


One of the best ways to lessen anxiety is to gain information. Fear of the unknown is legitimate. Once you get a clearer understanding of BDSM and find some answers to your basic questions, you might feel reassured to move forward. BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sadism and Masochism. These are all parts of the power exchange spectrum. Specific niche kinks like electrostimulation, sensation play, hook suspension, adult diaper fetishism and voyeurism are also interests you’ll likely encounter through your research, among many others.

It’s important to know that some of these fetishes may not even be sexual. There are a variety of reasons people crave certain activities. As you read, you’ll begin to get a better sense of what appeals to you and how you identify. This is an important part of the process of accepting your personal role within the world of kink.

Find Community

As you learn more, you may find yourself curious to talk with others who are embracing their kinky nature or living a certain lifestyle. Finding community is an excellent way to explore your interests and learn. You’ll feel less alone and will begin to understand there is a vibrant community of folks out there who are owning their kinks and living authentically. Engaging with others this way can be empowering and validating.

A good place to find local gatherings that may interest you is to join FetLife. It’s a social network specifically for people who are interested in BDSM. You can find local groups who meet in real life, along with pages dedicated to specific fetishes. You may also be able to find groups on sites like MeetUp.com.

Talk Openly to Partners

If you currently have one or more partners, you’ll want to discuss your interests with them. This is essential if you expect to even consider pursuing kinky interests with a current partner. Sure, such conversations might be awkward or embarrassing, but they are necessary.

You’ll want to talk about your interests as specifically as you can so that they understand. This communication will help you to gauge their interest in sharing your kiny pursuits. Such conversations will also identify any potential incompatibilities or triggers that any of you may have so that you can address them. In addition, you can go further and determine whether you’d like to join the local kink scene together. Your early talks should also involve negotiations and identification of hard limits. Hard limits are activities a person absolutely will not do. Discovering and communicating what you don’t like is an essential part of this process.

This is a cursory overview of how to begin pursuing an interest in kink. Hopefully, you feel less overwhelmed about finding the information and the community you may need in order to pursue this self-growth and exploration. Your interest in BDSM is a natural and acceptable part of the human experience. There are healthy ways to incorporate your leanings into your life and relationships.

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