Overcoming the challenges of flirting

Part of the fun of getting to know someone you’re interested in romantically or sexually often involves flirting. There are lots of ways to flirt. Some are subtle. Others may be more overt. Everyone has their own style. But what do you do if flirting doesn’t come naturally to you? 

For many, this form of interaction feels odd, intimidating or overwhelming. If this applies to you, that’s okay. It’s normal to feel some nervousness about expressing your interest to someone. For one, fear of rejection is real. In addition, you may feel out of your element when you think about flirting. Perhaps you’ve even opted to let an opportunity pass you by rather than risk expressing yourself. 

You don’t have to live with the regret of missed opportunities. You can overcome the challenges of flirting. Don’t let your fear hold you back. Consider these tips when getting to know someone new.

Change Your Mindset

Instead of focusing on the fear of rejection or of the unknown, try to embrace each new encounter as an opportunity. Reframing your mindset to one of curiosity or excitement instead of fear can go far toward pushing you to take action. Remind yourself that most of us get a little nervous when talking to someone new, especially if we’re attracted to them. 

Think of all the positive things that could come of these encounters. Look for ways to get to know this person, discover their interests and look for unique things about their personality. You have the chance to know someone great a little better. Try not to put too much emphasis on the outcome. At the very least, you’re likely to make a new friend. 

Own Your Feelings

Society often teaches us to downplay our feelings. While you don’t want to give into your fear, it’s also wise not to try to play things too cool. It can seem like we’re setting ourselves up to be let down if we get too excited about the potential of a new relationship, but it’s okay to own your feelings. You’re interested in this person. It’s human nature to feel attraction to others.

Understand that you’ll need to take action if you want to pursue these feelings. Otherwise, nothing is likely to happen. Take time to identify and recognize what you’re experiencing. Then, you can move forward with the intention of letting the other person know where you stand. 

Ease Into It

This is where you get to find ways to show your interest. If the direct approach of saying what you mean doesn’t work for you, flirting can be a fun and interactive way to get the message across. You don’t have to jump right in if you’re still feeling tentative.

When it comes to first contact, finding ways to get to know the person is a good start. Ask questions to guide the conversation and to learn more. Show interest in their passions. When you discover common interests, you can delve further into those subjects. Soon, your confidence will grow. Try to remember that this is similar to the beginning of any other relationship. That should help take the pressure off of you.  

If you’re able to be together in person, there are a few ways you can subtly send a message. Hold their gaze a bit longer than usual. Give them a sly smile. Use open body language instead of crossed arms or legs. Stand straight and look them in the face. You may also want to give them genuine compliments when appropriate. Be aware of these kinds of signs in return. Chances are, they might be flirting back. 

Flirting may be intimidating. It can also be a fun way to interact and show your interest. Taking the leap to put yourself out there is so much better than living with the regret of missing out on meeting someone great. Consider these small steps and give it a try.